


i started learning it hasn't gotten worse (it's never been great)

by ivyalexandrias



Series: terminal hnoc brainrot [4]
Category: High Noon Over Camelot - The Mechanisms (Album), The Mechanisms (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Coming Out, Fix-It of Sorts, Gen, Not Canon Compliant, as in: the station doesnt get driven into the sun but galahad still dies :(, galahad has seizures, mordred gawain and galahad are brothers, not mentioned but its important 2 me...., theres not a tag for it but. transmasc nb galahad, title from i dont trust u anymore by /@/
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-05
Updated: 2021-01-05
Packaged: 2021-03-16 01:48:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,290
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28574025
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ivyalexandrias/pseuds/ivyalexandrias
Summary: “You remind me of her, in some ways. You have the same way of stepping between Gawain and whoever he’s picking a fight with. It honestly surprised me the first time I saw you do it, I figured that’d be the end for you.” He chuckles sadly, legs folded up beneath him where he sits on the pew next to Mordred, staring ahead at the stained-glass window that adorns the far wall, casting mosaics of light across the dusty metal floor.“I think you two would’ve gotten along, really. You’re so similar, I can’t imagine you two not being friends.” Mordred draws a shaky breath, shifting slightly. Oh god, oh fuck, he’s really about to do this, huh? If there’s a god, he’s pretty sure they’re sitting up in heaven and pointing at him, like a mean teenage girl.
Relationships: Galahad & Mordred (High Noon Over Camelot), Gawain & Mordred (High Noon Over Camelot)
Series: terminal hnoc brainrot [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2082618
Comments: 8
Kudos: 35





	i started learning it hasn't gotten worse (it's never been great)

**Author's Note:**

> hngnrg...... mordred + gawain + galahad being brothers refuses to leave my head...

It’s a rare moment of total lucidity for Galahad, and Mordred is enjoying it sitting in silence with the other man, just basking in each other’s presence. His brother is still there, even when he’s spouting fire and brimstone to anyone who’ll listen, but it’s nice to enjoy a quiet moment with the other man, without any murmured prayers or shrill cries as Galahad convulses in his arms, whatever visions the chair had left him with overtaking his mind momentarily. 

The seizures are always terrifying, even though Gawain knows how to cushion Galahad’s head so he doesn’t hurt himself, and Mordred can find it within himself to work with his brother for once, the older sibling instincts he’d picked up from his time with the Saxons kicking in. The moments are few and far between, but it’s nice, pretending that the two of them are something resembling a real family, that Mordred isn’t an imposter, a shell of the sister his brothers knew, something he’s sure they won’t want back. Damaged goods.

“Did I ever tell you about my sister?” Galahad asks, unprompted, shaking him out of his spiraling thoughts. Mordred glances over, frowning at the other man, and shakes his head. Galahad had always seemed hesitant to share stories of the two of them when they were kids, even as they’d grown closer in the time since Mordred had arrived at Camelot. He had his own memories of growing up with his brothers, of course, but he knew Galahad and Gawain likely had a lot more, what with them both being older than him.

Galahad hums thoughtfully. “She was the youngest of us three, only seven when she died. I was ten, and Gawain was fourteen. Still, despite being the youngest, I’m pretty sure she was more mature than the both of us combined. She could break up a fight better between us than our parents ever could.” Galahad chuckles, and Mordred bites the inside of his cheek hard, because the sadness in the other man’s voice is digging into his heart like a shard of glass.

“Gawain remembers a bit more than I do, seeing as I was only three years older than her, but I still remember enough to miss her. A lot. She was my best friend, and it’s still hard to believe she’s gone.” Oh god. Do not fucking cry. Do not cry over this.

Mordred’s gonna cry.

Galahad, thank god, doesn’t seem to notice his inner turmoil. Unfortunately, because the universe is apparently in a Make Mordred Incredibly Sad mood today, he keeps talking. 

“You remind me of her, in some ways. You have the same way of stepping between Gawain and whoever he’s picking a fight with. It honestly surprised me the first time I saw you do it, I figured that’d be the end for you.” He chuckles sadly, legs folded up beneath him where he sits on the pew next to Mordred, staring ahead at the stained-glass window that adorns the far wall, casting mosaics of light across the dusty metal floor.

“I think you two would’ve gotten along, really. You’re so similar, I can’t imagine you two not being friends.” Mordred draws a shaky breath, shifting slightly. Oh god, oh fuck, he’s really about to do this, huh? If there’s a god, he’s pretty sure they’re sitting up in heaven and pointing at him, like a mean teenage girl. 

“I don’t- I don’t think so,” Mordred starts, and Galahad glances over at him, eyebrows furrowing in confusion.

“I think that we have our similarities, yes, but she is… everything I’ve tried so hard not to be. She was- she was soft, and fragile, and she hid behind other people even when she tried to act strong. She hid behind her insecurities, and the little things she didn’t like about herself, and she used them as an excuse to hide from other people too. She acted big and strong because she wanted to feel big and strong, but she knew it was a lie.” He takes a shuddering breath, because wow, he’s not usually this verbose. “And she used that lie to hide from the people who loved her, too. And, now she’s finally not. Doing that, I mean.”

Galahad’s eyes are wide, searching his face frantically, and Mordred shifts under his brother’s intense gaze. “That’s- I was. I’m Morgause, is what I saying there. I mean, I’m still Mordred, it’s just. That was who I used to be. I’m your brother. Fuck, I’m bad at that.” Galahad chuckles softly at that, but still seems frozen in place, and Mordred is almost starting to worry he’s broken what was left of Galahad’s mind, when his brother exhales slowly, breath rattling in his chest like a caged bird, and quietly leans across the gap between them. Mordred freezes in place as Galahad hugs him, hands hovering in the air for a moment, unsure how to react.

Carefully, he hugs his brother back, careful to avoid the bruise that blooms on Galahad’s side, the result of a particularly nasty fall he’d had when no one was there to catch him. (Mordred still isn’t sure how he didn’t hurt himself worse, since he’s seen how bad his seizures can get, but Galahad refuses to say what happened, and Mordred doesn’t want to push it). The other man is shaking slightly, and it takes Mordred a moment to realize that, oh shit, he’s crying.

“Sorry it took me so long.” He murmurs into Galahad’s hair, letting his brother hold onto him so tightly it’s almost uncomfortable. Galahad quickly shakes his head, though he refuses to let go.

“No, it’s- I get it. You have nothing to apologize for. You’re here now, and that’s what counts.” Mordred nods slowly, exhaling a soft breath as Galahad continues to cling to him, remaining there until his features smooth out, and he slips into a rare bout of peaceful sleep.

Later, Mordred will pull Gawain aside and reveal his secret to him as well, and he’ll leave the exchange with a bloodied nose, and wrinkles in his coat from where Gawain gripped onto the fabric tight enough to warp it as he sobbed into Mordred’s shoulder. The two stand a little closer to each other at the end of the table after that, and when they go to the Saxons, Mordred stands proud as he introduces my brother, Gawain, and he’s pleasantly surprised to see the other man try to have some level of civility with the people who saved his brother.

Later, Gawain will not fire a reckless shot that starts a war, and Mordred will not let grief and rage overcome him. He will not fire three shots from the darkness of the town hall doorway. Instead, he will grieve his brother with Gawain as Lancelot and Guinevere quietly break the news to them, mourning someone he’d just gotten back.

Later, the Hanged Man will smile and introduce himself as Brian while Mordred finally cuts his bindings, yet another act of mercy. He’ll shake his head as Mordred quietly thanks him for what he’d done to help, insisting that it was only the right thing to do. He will help erect a small grave for Galahad at the edge of town, placing a small flower fashioned out of brass and copper on the stone, and Mordred will pretend not to notice the tears that shine at the corner of Brian’s eyes, impossible as they may be. 

Later, Mordred will finally have a happy ending, against the odds that had been stacked up against him. It’s not perfect, but he’s with his family, and Camelot is beginning to flourish again, and that’s all he can ask for, really.

**Author's Note:**

> as always im on tumblr @blindfaithblindhate!


End file.
